Why I Love What I Do

Since I remember myself, I’ve been fascinated by photos. In my parents home, we had a huge photo album filled up with photographs, most of them were black and white. I used to love to go through the pages, studying every picture and always tried to find the smallest, sepia print with my father (last on the right) at the front of WWII in 1943. I felt enchanted by this print, feeling “teleported” to that place and time, even though I wasn’t even born yet. As a little girl, for me, this little print was the most treasured and precious photo in the whole album.

My mom wasn’t very affectionate with us kids and this is probably one single photo of us together, except those formal family photos, taken in a photo studio, where the whole family would line up and look into the camera, saying “cheeeese”.

There was a time when looking at this photo I remembered and virtually felt my father’s hands lifting me up and putting on this table near a jar full of beautiful spring flowers. He probably asked me to stay still for a moment, but that I don’t remember. I think my love for photography I got from my father. He was not a photographer and he didn’t have a camera but he would use any opportunity to photograph our family, would it be friend with a camera invited for dinner or photographer from his work.

Life wasn’t very kind to my parents. They lost their first born girl at the age of 11 due to CHD. The second daughter got polio when she was 3 yo. I’m being number 3, was a result of a happy accident, but I always felt that subconscious anxiety of my parents of letting me be myself in fear anything can happen to me. There was also guilt which resulted in lack of physical affection in our family. This is probably the only photo I have of my father holding me in his arms.

I grew up in Soviet times, so we did not celebrate Christmas, like the rest of the world, but trust me, we had an equivalent of every holiday, just without religious meaning behind it. For Christmas, we had New Year’s Eve with decorating the New Year’s tree, family gathering, with presents and favorite food. The only thing, the celebration was happening at midnight. And then in two weeks time, we celebrated Old New Year’s Eve. You say: ”What?!” Yes, that actually came from Soviet Government adopting new Gregorian calendar, but still celebrating Julian calendar’s New Year’s Eve, which comes on the night between 13 and 14 of January.

I always had a feeling that there is much more to our existence. So, consciously and subconsciously, I was always searching. And I am very grateful that my seeking steered my life away from superficial objectives. I’ve spent some time in India, I’ve learned about immaterial,… My values have changed, my perspectives have changed, my life took a steep turn. This is when and how I met my husband.

Soon after, we got married. In Finland, where my husband’s family is from, in winter, in the snow!

I have always been a “cat person”. I do love all the animals, but there is something about feline grace, character and independence, that makes me “purr” with joy when I see any cat.

I bought my first camera on vocation in Crimea in the 1990s. I and my friend were snapping each other at every pretty site or background, we came upon. It was a fun activity but turn out to be very boring to look at those photos afterwards.

Since that moment on, I became a person behind the camera. I stopped taking pictures of myself and turned the camera around.
The ability to document, as to print on photo paper the moments I saw happening around me, captivated and inspired me. Mind you, that was still an analogue era in photography and those were just amateur snaps.

On this photo, I am with two of my favourite people, my father and my nephew. Both are no longer with us. My father lived long and remarkable life, went through WWII, he enlisted himself at 18 and after short basic military training went straight to the front line in 1942 till 1945. He past away peacefully at the age of 89. My nephew, Sasha was 27 when he died in his sleep. Not, when being a teenager, he was exploring undergrounds of Moscow with his friends, not, when he was skiing in Caucasus mountains, not when he was installing air cons in old high rise buildings in Moscow, hanging outside windows on the 20+ floor. Just went to bed and never woke up. He just learned that he is going to be a father. I am so grateful to have a few photos of him.

Like every other mom, I too became obsessed with capturing my baby’s first everything: smile, sit up, crawl, walk, you name it I photographed it.

Like every other mom, I too became obsessed with capturing my baby’s first everything: smile, sit up, crawl, walk, you name it I photographed it.

Needless to say, my Aussie born and raised husband took me away from the cold and long Finnish winters to Queensland as soon as our girl turned one. One of my favourite places here is Tangalooma. It is nothing short of magic, watching dolphins rushing towards a shore, happily greeting humans. Every time I am there, my heart starts trembling with joy and wonder. I really feel in awe in front of these majestic creatures.

I love the ocean, there is nothing more to say.

For me nothing says Paradise, like colourful birds, filling up the sky and especially when they sit on your head!

When I was younger, I used to have very high standards for everyone and especially for myself. I probably was a perfectionist in everything. Life, marriage, motherhood changed my “standards” unrecognisably!
I am still a perfectionist though, but it only concerns my work.